Subtle notes

61 thoughts
last posted Oct. 26, 2019, 4:03 p.m.

7 earlier thoughts


Notes from 2/11/16:

When finally crawling into bed after 2am this morning after a productive night taking care of family finances, I immediately dropped deeply into the consciousness of my physical body: heavy, dark, dense, compressed, suffocating. Even so, I practiced "turning toward the karma" and wondered how I would keep facing into the discomfort even though the resistance was so great that it felt like I couldn't breathe.

What I learned was this: the resistance was a refusal to follow instructions to breathe in a particular way, e.g. narrowly, down a particular central pinprick of a channel. (Imagine the claustrophobia of trying to crawl through a cave slit where there's barely enough vertical space to breathe, let alone get up on all fours.) Or to breathe at a particular speed through that channel, namely much faster. When I finally realized what these physical "instructions"/promptings were, I was able to stop refusing, and breathe as instructed. Very fast, very narrow, very directed, usually also very deeply. This way I found myself actually keeping up with the intense, fast-paced energy (without turning away or closing my throat or making any whimpering/screeching sounds). (Thomas's fast-train analogy popped into my head at that point.) In doing so, I began to relate in a sustained way to the energy I had been resisting. Brief visual representations appeared, which I don't usually get. Eyes wide open under the covers, I could see what looked like a small silver ball of morphing energy turning about. And that was about it.

Now I've got a new way of relating to the density and low vibration: it's actually a resistance to a very (equal and opposite?) intense, fast-paced energy that is inviting me to move along with it by surrendering the control of my breath.

53 later thoughts