Subtle notes

61 thoughts
last posted Oct. 26, 2019, 4:03 p.m.

1 earlier thought


The description of two bubbles bumping into each other was very helpful. Now I see another option besides going through, going around, or avoiding, resistance. In fact, I don't even need to identify one as resistance and the other as not resistance. There are just two intentions that meet. Kind of like two dogs checking each other out for the first time, except there's no need to determine which one's the alpha. Now I can just let them kinda snuggle with each other, not going around, not going through, but allowing more of their surface area to touch. Their contours naturally begin to conform to each other, thereby maximizing the area of contact. Then there's no goal other than creating enough space to witness and maintain the contact. With this in mind, I don't need to wonder if I'm off track when the movement slows down. I just stay present to the morphing interface—while periodically checking that I'm keeping the originally intended target (e.g. the pelvis) in my awareness.

Also, after a while the membranes seem to be permeable, and rather than one having to give way to the other, there is an energy exchange between them, almost as if they are going to merge or at least synchronize. This feels like a new intimacy. Also, a new trust is resulting from this. The light is less scary, and the resistant parts are less reactive; they are beginning to trust that they will be respected and warmly embraced, and not be run through with a sword. ;-)

Moreover, this new focus on the interaction of intentions lessens the focus on the reaction (which usually comes in the form of holding my breath) and thus lessens the reaction's power. The reactions are becoming increasingly irrelevant. They no longer provoke further reaction, e.g. to immediately try to start breathing again. It's just not where the interest is. Instead, focusing on the interaction tends to bring release from the reaction, without demanding it—although it still may take some time (usually less than a minute if I stay present). It seems that the focus on the reaction is the only thing that sustains it.

As the meeting of intentions proliferates, a new, more whole-body experience is emerging. The original intention descends like the lower half of a morphing sphere, horizontally bisecting my head/brain. Although that kinesthetic animation remains vividly in my physical head/brain (not my mind/imagination), I'm also somehow able to drape my whole body over it (under it?—it's upside-down). It's like I'm lying face-down on a morphing heap of electric bliss.

The day after the first course session, I facilitated a group meeting and afterwards had to address some conflict I had with another person in the group. As we shared our perspectives fully, leaving nothing unsaid, postponing nothing, the experience had the same structure as the bumping, morphing bubbles. So it's quite cool to be experiencing similar structures on both an inner and outer, intersubjective level.

59 later thoughts