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last posted March 16, 2019, 3:11 p.m.

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Some wonderful embodied insights from my first trauma touch therapy session today:

The freeze behavior itself is a movement. It is not not moving. In this state, I externally/consciously feel relaxed and am very still. This is probably why recently my dental hygienist kept checking on me to make sure I was okay. I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, even though I was just thinking “I’m relaxed; I’ll move if I want to move.”

But the natural state is to move. To be truly relaxed is not to be entirely still. If I want to move beyond the frozen state, I don’t need to force any movement. I had assumed that to counteract this behavior, I would need to move. On the contrary, I just need to let the freeze behavior do its thing (which is actually to move!). It just needs more space.

The freeze behavior itself is a movement, albeit constrained to a very small space. During the session, when I validated it and followed it while it did its thing, it began to flow more. It is a lot of locked-up energy (constrained movement).

Today, in this state, I went from feeling shrink-wrapped to feeling like I was inside a tiny coffin. Progress!

It’s a good thing too; I have another dentist appointment tomorrow!

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