The contours of my resistance, the tight, tense battleground where the streaming energy blasts against an immovable wall—I have naturally assumed that this was fear, a pulling away from the light. But this morning while contemplating how I might be leaning forward, I realized that the fear may actually more accurately be called desire. Counter-intuitively, a desire to connect to the energy it is so effectively blocking. I want to connect, but my desire is so intense and so urgent and so strong that I don't know how. I lean in too far, I grasp so tightly, so desperately, that I don't know how to receive that which is right in front of me and blasting off my face in all directions.
I'm now stepping into this experience while recognizing it as a desire to connect rather than primarily as a fear of connecting. My goal is to just be with it, to receive that desire, to give it enough space to move, to become more aware of it and more compassionate. This feels like an important pivot on this adventure.